to thine own self be true
by wild wolf free17
Summary: Dean vanishes the night before Halloween and Sam has to find him.
1. little boy lost

**Title**: little boy lost

**Disclaimer**: Dean and Sam aren't mine.

**Warnings**: takes place after "Bedtime Stories" but before "Red Sky At Morning";

**Pairings**: none

**Rating**: PG

**Wordcount**: 210

**Point** **of** **view**: third

**Notes**: prequel to "all will turn to silver glass"

* * *

The hunt was over, easily finished, and the night before Halloween, Dean told Sam not to wait up. After Dean drove away, Sam resumed his research—he'd find a way out of Dean's deal. He _would_, no matter what it cost. Dean was _not_ going to Hell, not even for half a moment.

By one in the morning, Sam was exhausted, so he shut down his laptop and crawled into bed.

He woke at seven to an empty motel room. Dean had yet to come back.

After showering and packing, Dean _still_ wasn't back. When Sam looked out into the parking lot, Dean's Impala, however, _was_ there.

But Dean wasn't.

Sam called Dean's phone, and Dean didn't answer. He examined the car and surrounding area, and called Dean's phone again. And again. And again.

But finally someone _did_ pick up. A female voice said breathlessly, "Hello?"

Annoyance swept through Sam, immediately followed by anger. If Dean had hooked up and not bothered to answer Sam before now… "You're not Dean," he said, the words bitten off and harsh.

"No," the stranger replied after a moment. "I found this cell beneath a bush."

Sam felt his heart stop. No. Dean _couldn't_ have gotten into trouble.

Oh, hell, of _course_ he could.


	2. all will turn to silver glass

**Title**: all will turn to silver glass

**Disclaimer**: only Dean and Sam aren't mine. Title from "Into the West" from _Lord of the Rings._

**Warnings**: takes place after "Bedtime Stories" but before "Red Sky At Morning"; mentions of child abuse, spousal abuse, animal abuse, and non-consensual sex(none pertaining to the boys)

**Pairings**: het in the past

**Rating**: R

**Wordcount**: 8885

**Point** **of** **view**: third

**Dedication**: H.T.Marie for being a doll and reading over this.

**Notes**: this story is from the point of view of an original female character. It's the longest original pov I've done, by a whole lot. There is no romance, so please don't run in fear of a Mary-Sue.

**More notes**: started for spnhalloween to the prompt _Dean vanishes the night before Halloween and Sam has to find him. _Then it shifted, mutated, and evolved. Then it wouldn't shut up.

**Still more** **notes**: CAAWS is a real organization, but everyone mentioned—cats, dogs, humans—is made up. I never specify it, but this story takes place in Baton Rouge. All of the streets mentioned exist, but not in the places I say.

* * *

Kaitlyn'd been working—well, volunteering, since she didn't get paid—at CAAWS for eight months. She was hoping to make up for what Rich—the fucking _bastard_—had done to Maggie. Her sweet Irish Setter still limped, even nearing a year after, but Chris had assured her the bones were fully healed.

Her usual shift was 6:30 to noon on Wednesdays, but Annie, the volunteer coordinator, was short-staffed this week, so Kaitlyn showed up at nine Saturday morning, bundled in a long-sleeved T, a sweatshirt, and a ski jacket for Adoption Day.

"Cold?" Annie laughed as she shut the door behind her.

Kaitlyn gave her a fake smile. Even before Rich, she hadn't liked people. After? Could barely stand them. But Annie did have a point: the heater in the building worked, so she shed her jacket. She'd lived in Louisiana all her life, and loved it—most of the time—but the first stirrings of winter always got to her. In a few days, she'd be used to it, but until then? She'd layer.

Annie returned to her conversation with Lauren, so Kaitlyn walked to Mac, one of her favorites of the dogs. Mac greeted her with excitement and Kaitlyn slipped into the kennel.

"Hey, girl," Kaitlyn said, sinking to the floor. Mac, half-Doberman and half-pit bull, wriggled into her lap, licking at her face. "You're such a sweetie," Kaitlyn told her, rubbing behind her ears, along her back. "I wish I could take you home with me, but Maggie wouldn't be able to keep up with you."

Willow, her other favorite, showed her displeasure at being ignored by sharply barking. Kaitlyn patted Mac on the head and stood, let herself out of Mac's kennel. Mac gave her what she'd dubbed the sadface, but after eight months, she didn't fall for it anymore. Most of the time.

As she let herself in Willow's kennel, the boxer almost bowled her over. Kaitlyn lightly ran her hand along Willow's back, skirting the bare skin of her scar. Kaitlyn bet the shocking spot was the only reason she hadn't been adopted yet, because she was one of the nicest, most people-loving dogs Kaitlyn had ever met.

She spent quality time with Willow then quickly visited the rest of the dogs, giving swift pats and hellos to each. By ten, two had been taken to PetSmart and a few new ones brought in just for Adoption Day.

She looked at Mac, once again giving her the sadface. Kaitlyn chuckled and padded over to her, kneeling outside the gate. "You know that doesn't work on me, right?" she asked softly, reaching through the cage. "Sillyheaded puppydog."

Mac preened, softly woofing. Across the way, Joey—a mix of something—yipped as the door swung open, a small family piling in.

"Daddy, look at the dogs!" the little boy whispered loudly. Kaitlyn was no judge of human ages, but the kid seemed to be about four or five. Or three. She couldn't be sure.

The man nodded, smiling down at his son. The woman behind them shifted, and the baby in her arms giggled.

Kaitlyn wanted to roll her eyes but refrained. This group would never be able to adopt. There was no way they'd be able to give any animal proper care and attention, not with two young children of their own in the house.

She watched them make the rounds. The parents favored Audrey, an aloof Chihuahua, but the kid liked Mac. She growled at the father, then licked the little boy.

"She doesn't like men," Kaitlyn told the parents. "Most of 'em don't."

And she fully supported that sentiment.

The parents thanked her and left.

o0oo

About twenty after eleven, Monica, the woman in charge of dog adoptions, arrived. Kaitlyn had spent the time between Mac and Willow, and taking Joey out in the second yard with a woman. The two of them got along great and she filled out an adoption form. Kaitlyn read over it—there was a good chance she'd get him.

Annie took the next couple that walked in. They were older, the man reading every flyer about the dogs, the woman following with long-sufferance.

When he stopped by Willow, the woman said, "Mark, no. Not a large dog."

"Aw, c'mon, Angela," he whined, sounding about five instead of in his sixties. "She's so sweet!"

He knelt outside her kennel and Annie began telling him what she knew of the boxer.

"Where'd that scar come from?" Angela asked.

The familiar rage swept over Kaitlyn as Annie related the story.

"One of her owners was trying to train her," Annie said. "But she wasn't full grown yet, still had the rambunctiousness of a pup. So when she didn't get the lesson one day, he splashed bleach on her."

Angela gasped with horror; Mark said, "I hope he got shot."

Annie shook her head. "He paid a fine and moved out of state."

Mark stood. "Can we see her in the yard?"

Annie took the three of them out to the first yard; Kaitlyn stayed in and asked Monica, "What d'ya think?"

Monica grinned at her. "That man fell in love with Willow the minute he laid eyes on her. His wife pities her too much to say no."

o0o

By two, Kaitlyn's energy was flagging. Joey and Willow's adoptions were pretty much a sure thing—it'd been a good day. Kaitlyn would miss Willow, but a loving home would be _so_ worth it.

Kaitlyn was in Mac's kennel when the two guys arrived.

"Dean, what're we doin' here?" the taller one asked, following. "We can't get a dog—where would we keep it?"

"Sammy, you're such a spoilsport," Dean said. "I just want to check 'em out."

Lauren was in the cat room, Monica on her cellphone outside, and Annie in the second yard with the brother labs, Kurt and Nightcrawler. So Kaitlyn was alone with two large, strange men.

Aw, _shit_. She felt the panic starting. Kaitlyn buried her face in Mac's back, the dog whimpering, leaning back against her. Kaitlyn tried repeating to herself that Rich was gone, that these men wouldn't hurt her, but it did no good—her stomach hurt, her heart pounded, and she couldn't breathe.

"Ma'am?" a soft voice called from far away. "Ma'am, please calm down."

"Kaitlyn?" another—familiar—voice said. "Are you alright?"

Lauren. That was Lauren. A woman. Someone she knew. Kaitlyn raised her head. "I—I need to go," she whispered, arms around Mac. "Please, I need to go home."  
Lauren nodded. Kaitlyn grabbed the side of Mac's kennel, pulling herself up. The men were gone and she looked around, needing to know where they were for her peace of mind.

"They're with Annie," Lauren told her, opening Mac's door. Kaitlyn tried smiling her thanks, but couldn't keep the expression on her face. She told Mac and Willow goodbye then hurried out the building, Lauren with her. "Call me when you get home," Lauren asked. "I need to know you made it safely."

"I promise," Kaitlyn assured her. "Thank you."

"You sure you're okay to drive?" It was honest concern on her face.

Kaitlyn's responding smile was real. "I'm sure."

o0o

Maggie nearly bowled her over when she let herself in the yard. After unlocking the back door and entering the house, Kaitlyn sank against the wall, Maggie stretching out across her lap. "I'm fine, baby-girl," Kaitlyn murmured. "Honest. I just freaked, is all."

Maggie's response wasn't verbal; it never was. She just rubbed her head against Kaitlyn's chest, and Kaitlyn knew what she meant.

"Yeah." Kaitlyn's chuckle was bitter. "I thought I was gettin' better, too."

o0o

It was twenty minutes before she called Lauren, then she crawled into bed, Maggie beside her. She hoped fervently she wouldn't dream of Rich, but she knew it was a futile wish.

o0o

Kaitlyn stayed home on Sunday, going through her library for any books she could donate to the library. Monday, she went to Chris' clinic, where she worked part-time.

"How's Maggie?" Rachel, one of the techs asked.

"Good," Kaitlyn told her. "Back to normal, finally, 'cept for the limp."

Rachel smiled at her. "Glad to hear it."

Kaitlyn worked till noon as a secretary then went home, taking Maggie for a quick walk. Maggie cavorted; Kaitlyn could almost forget how she'd been just after Rich.

"Pretty girl," Kaitlyn crooned, rubbing Maggie's ears, dropping to her knees beside the only reason she'd survived nearly a year ago. "Such a sweet, pretty girl."

The wind picked up, bitingly cold; Kaitlyn stood and said, "Let's go home."

o0o

Early Tuesday morning, Annie called and asked Kaitlyn is she'd mind coming in that evening. Kaitlyn said of course, and she'd be there at six.

She went to Chris' until noon, then headed to Wal-mart; her supplies were running low, and Maggie needed more treats.

Rich used to control the funds so tightly it was a struggle getting enough for groceries every week. Now that it was her money, Kaitlyn could splurge.

She often did, but she needed—wanted—so little, it was all for Maggie and the animals at CAAWS.

Kaitlyn made a mental note to see if that couple still wanted Willow.

Daddy'd always told her she had an unhealthy attachment to dogs, but Daddy was a selfish prick so once she got rid of Rich, she decided to disregard everything he'd ever said.

She still flinched whenever Mama called, but she was a grown woman now. It didn't matter if Mama blamed her for what happened to Daddy—it wasn't her fault. It _wasn't_. He was sick, and going after a cop's daughter was so stupid he got exactly what he deserved.

A man moved too close to her and Kaitlyn shook off her fog, pulled into herself. She needed to get control of her panic before she got put back in the hospital.

All she had to do before going home was pick out what kind of Rotisserie chicken she wanted for supper. She chose original—barbeque reminded her of Daddy, who reminded her of Rich, and the others all tasted awful.

After getting home, unloading the car, and eating part of the chicken—not a lot, though, since her appetite died with Rich—Kaitlyn sat on the couch, Maggie beside her.

"It's stupid to still be afraid," Kaitlyn said, stroking her hand along Maggie's flank. "Both of 'em are dead now, can't hurt me—but I still flip if someone gets in my space." She sighed and Maggie nuzzled close. "They're dead and buried, pretty puppydog," she repeated. "But I'm still terrified Rich'll walk in that door."

She looked into Maggie's eyes. "Silly, huh?" Maggie swished her tail and Kaitlyn smiled.

o0o

Maggie gave Kaitlyn the sadface as she backed down the driveway, her tail drooping.

Kaitlyn chuckled and said, "I'll be back, you know. It's not like I don't live here, too."

It wasn't as nice a house as she'd had with Rich, but it was hers, completely and utterly. And that made all the difference. She'd decorated it in pale blue and dark purple, colors Rich had hated, and had a small garden on the side. Most of the flowers were dead, of course, since it was the end of October, but come spring it'd be a bright, happy spot.

o0o

When she pulled into CAAWS, there was one car in the parking lot. She put her purse in the trunk and walked to the door, knocking. A woman hurried over and unlocked it, letting her in.

The dogs started barking, so the woman said loudly, "I'm Sarah," holding out a hand.

"Kaitlyn," she answered just as loudly, shaking.

"Nice to meet you." Sarah turned, striding back to Nora's cage. "We need to clean the dirty kennels and cycle everyone out."

Kaitlyn nodded and went to Mac. She looked down the row to Willow and saw a half-grown golden retriever instead. She then turned, glancing at Joey's cage—a collie was in his place.

"Well," she said, kneeling next to Mac. "I'm sure they're happy."

o0o

Willow's replacement was a bouncy golden retriever puppy named Shila who wanted to always be the center of attention. Kaitlyn found her adorable.

At half past eight, Sarah took off. "It was nice to meet you," she said. "Lock the door behind me."

"See you later," Kaitlyn replied and did.

o0o

It was a quarter after nine when Kaitlyn left. She made one last round. Most of the dogs were down for the night, but they'd be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when she arrived the next morning. All the large kennels were full, and two of the small as well, with Audrey and Dave, a miniature schnauzer.

Kaitlyn checked the catroom, dropping a pat on Mink's back, then locked all four doors, quickly grabbed her purse from the trunk and slid into her car, hitting 'lock.' There were streetlights and city lights, but she hated being outside at night. Anyone could lurk in the shadows.

She turned on the car and a large shape was illuminated by her lights. She yelped, jerking back against the seat. After a moment, she looked again; it was a Burmese Mountain Dog, fluffy and gorgeous. Kaitlyn glanced around, checking for any humans, before getting out of her car.

No dog had ever so much as bared teeth at her; at twenty-nine, she'd long since moved past any thought a dog would attack her.

"Well, aren't you a pretty one," she said soothingly, holding out a loosely closed fist. The dog blinked up at her, flicking its ears. "Where's your person, huh?"

The dog slowly stepped forward, limping slightly on the front right leg. "Are you hurt?" she cooed, running her hand down its neck, along its back.

"There isn't room for you here," she said, mainly to herself. The dog rubbed up against her, whining, and she scratched its chest. "I can't take you to the pound, and all the shelters around here are closed."

She looked into the dog's eyes; it gave her one of the best sadfaces she'd ever seen.

"Fine," she decided. "Maggie won't be happy, but I'll bring you home with me. Tomorrow, I'll get Chris to look you over, and we'll go from there."

It woofed slightly. She took that as agreement.

Kaitlyn lightly gripped its ruff, feeling a loose string around its neck; she'd worry about that when she was home. The dog came willingly when she pulled it around the car, careful of the hurt leg. "Can you hop in there?" she asked, opening the left back door.

It did with no apparent effort and she shut the door.

"Luckily," she said, buckling herself in, checking her passenger in the rearview. "I live a stone's throw that way," pointing east.

o0o

Maggie was not happy when Kaitlyn got home. Kaitlyn shut her baby in the backyard while she checked the Burmese over in the kitchen, searching for anything that needed immediate attention.

She discovered her find was male. He seemed to be fully grown, but for some reason reminded her of a puppy nonetheless. The leather thong around his neck held a small golden charm. Possibly Egyptian—Kaitlyn knew a lot about Roman and Greek culture, but little of any others. His eyes, interestingly enough, were hazel.

He submitted gracefully to her examination and she realized she wanted to keep him.

"Aw, hell," she muttered.

o0o

Eventually she calmed Maggie down. The boy—she refused to name him because he probably wouldn't be staying long—rolled over, letting Maggie have dominance.

Kaitlyn found that interesting, but she was too tired to think long on it.

She gave him a cup of Maggie's food, filled a large bowl with water, and locked him in the backyard.

o0o

He was still there in the morning, stretched out by the backdoor.

"Oh, shit," she realized. "I have to go to CAAWS."

It was a quarter to six. She had to find somewhere for him because she couldn't leave him home with Maggie. They seemed to get along, but that was with her present—she had no idea what they'd do with her gone.

She called Chris.

"Kaitlyn," her friend said, sounding wide awake. "What's wrong?"

"I found a dog last night. I was gonna bring him to work with me, but then I remembered I have to go to CAAWS and I can't leave him with Maggie." Kaitlyn tried to stay calm, but she knew the tears bled into her voice. "Can I bring him to your house? Please, Chris?"

"Take a deep breath, Kate," Chris told her."Just breathe."

Kaitlyn closed her eyes, following the instructions. "I'm sorry," she said, ashamed. "It was stupid of me to freak out."

Chris' voice was sharp. "Don't talk like that, Kaitlyn. You're not stupid. Of course I'll take the dog. Drop him off on the way to CAAWS."

"Thank you so much, Chris," she said, relief sweeping her. "I'll have him there in fifteen minutes."

o0o

Maggie watched them go sadly. Kaitlyn figured that once she'd gotten over the jealousy, she'd liked having company.

o0o

Chris met them in her front yard, wearing jeans and a loose shirt.

"He seems fairly easy-going," Kaitlyn told her. "His right front leg's hurt."

"Alright." Chris knelt beside him and ran her hand down his leg. "He looks pretty good. I'll give him a once-over at the clinic." She smiled up at Kaitlyn. "You get off from CAAWS at noon, right?"

Kaitlyn nodded. "I was gonna get lunch somewhere, then come for him, see what you had to say."

"Why don't you pick up some Subway and we'll talk over food?"  
"Okay," Kaitlyn agreed, and took Chris' order.

The dog whimpered when Chris tried leading him away. "Oh, go on, you silly boy," Kaitlyn said. "I'll be back."

He went easy after that.

o0o

Jackie arrived at seven-thirty, when Kaitlyn had already cleaned three of the kennels.

"I'll take over that," she said, "if you wanna start the walks."

Kaitlyn responded, "Thanks. I'll take Mac first."

Mac wriggled as Kaitlyn pulled the choke-collar over her head. "Stay still, sillyhead," she laughed.

"Oh, Pauline's runnin' late today," Jackie called as they went out the door.

Kaitlyn waved to show she heard.

o0o

It was a beautiful day. She actually forgot it was Halloween till she checked the time on her cell and saw the date.

The sky was clear azure blue, a slight warm breeze chasing away the chill. She jiggled the leash, trying to take her sweatshirt off.

A sudden shrill noise shattered the peaceful quiet. She whirled around, Mac lunging in front of her, ruff raised.

"Is that…" Kaitlyn listened. Mac calmed, reassuring Kaitlyn they were alone. "It is," she decided. "Some godawful rock song."

She tracked it to a dying bush. A cellphone lay at the base, vibrating and lighting up, ringing that annoying noise masquerading as music.

Kaitlyn looked around; it could belong to a worker at one of the businesses lining the street, but instead of wandering, knocking on doors, she could answer a stranger's phone.

She picked it up, seeing the caller ID said 'Sam,' and clicked 'answer.' "Hello?"

There was no reply at first, and then a deep voice—_Rich_—said, "You're not Dean."

"No," she responded shakily—_he's on the phone, he can't hurt me, calm down, stupid_. "I found this cell beneath a bush."

The silence from the other end was charged. "Where, exactly, was the phone?" Sam—well, she assumed he was Sam—asked quietly.

"Perkins Drive, in front of a computer company."

Mac pulled on the leash, wanting to continue her walk.

"I have to get back to work," Kaitlyn said. "I'll bring the phone with me, leaving it with someone. You can pick it up, okay?"

"Thank you," Sam said. "Where?"

"CAAWS on Perkins. We're off Millerville."

"Thank you," he repeated. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

o0o

Kaitlyn finished Mac's walk and gave the phone to Jackie. "A man'll be here for it in a few minutes," she said. "I'm takin' Ellesar out."

Jackie didn't know the full story—only Chris and Meg, Kaitlyn's therapist, knew everything—but she was aware that Kaitlyn got skittish around strangers and men. Especially strangers who _were_ men.

So Jackie just said, "Okay," and that was that.

o0o

Kaitlyn and Ellesar, a gentle greyhound mix, were at the lot on the far edge of Perkins when the car pulled up. It was old and big and black—a car Rich would have hated. Which immediately endeared the owner to her.

She couldn't see it after it parked, or the driver, and she resolved to stay at the field until the car left.

After about five minutes, the car pulled out, growling loud enough to frighten the sky. Kaitlyn and Ellesar walked back to CAAWS; she put him in his kennel, freshly cleaned, and let the brother labs into the first yard.

"Is it time to let the littles in?" she asked Jackie.

Jackie thought for a moment. "No. But you'd best go make sure Audrey hasn't slipped out the back again."

o0o

Audrey haughtily watched Kaitlyn from across the yard, but Dave ran over for attention. "Hey, sweetie," she crooned, sitting cross-legged against the wall. Dave slipped into her lap, licking at her face. She let peace wash over her after the excitement of the morning, banishing Rich's ghost back to a far corner of her mind.

o0o

Jackie was only too eager to rave about Sam the phone-boy when Kaitlyn carried Dave inside, placing him in his kennel. Kaitlyn held up a hand, saying, "Tell me when the evacuees are out."

She carried Audrey in next, then went to the rescued bull-dog, Katrina. Katrina'd been pulled out of New Orleans with no collar and major people issues. No one ever claimed her, so they named her after the storm. Her playmate, Abe, also came from New Orleans, but his humans had scattered across the country and never come back for him.

After getting them situated, Kaitlyn sat at the desk and gave Jackie her full attention.

"Okay, first thing I noticed," Jackie gushed, "is just how _big_ he is." She smiled, gesturing. "He's at least six four, Kaitlyn, maybe six five. And he's broad—oh, lord, he's even bigger than Donny!"

Donny was Jackie's husband. Kaitlyn had never met him, but Jackie'd showed her pictures. He towered over Jackie, who wasn't anywhere near small at a full-figured five nine.

Kaitlyn had often thought that if she herself had ever gotten taller than five foot nothing, life would have been _so_ much simpler.

"And his hair!" Jackie continued. "Kaitlyn, his hair is _gorgeous_. It looked so soft, so luxurious! Long, too. I wish Donny would grow his hair back out."

Jackie went on and on about Sam—Kaitlyn had nothing else to call him but phone-boy—and his eyes and hair and height and hands, reminding Kaitlyn of a schoolgirl instead of a woman who'd just turned thirty-five with a husband and son.

Finally, after a good ten minutes, Kaitlyn decided she'd had enough.

"So, what're ya'll doin' for Halloween?" she asked when Jackie paused for breath.

Jackie got the hint and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Kaitlyn. I forgot you don't much like men."

Kaitlyn shrugged and went to the door of the first yard. Kurt wanted in, which meant Nightcrawler did, too.

"We're takin' Danny to Don's mom's house, then trick-or-treating around her neighborhood." Jackie grabbed Nightcrawler, leading him to his kennel.

"What's he goin' as?" Kaitlyn asked, patting Kurt's back.

"A bumblebee." Jackie giggled. "He's so adorable, Kaitlyn. Donny's almost excited as he is."

Pauline knocked on the door and the dogs started barking. Jackie let her in and Kaitlyn said, "Let's take Nora and Roscoe for walks."

o0o

Kaitlyn went into the catroom while Jackie regaled Pauline with phone-boy's attributes.

Mink hopped up in her lap, a large silver tom; Pretty wound around her ankles, a petite calico queen. Mink ruled the catroom, so all the rest stayed away.

Kaitlyn's connection with cats had never been as pronounced as her one with dogs, but she still loved them. If Rich had let her, she'd have adopted one when he still lived. Since he died, though, she'd just had too much to worry about.

"I wish I could bring you home," she told Mink as he kneaded her jeans. "But they won't let me have you." She'd talked with Serena, the boss of cat adoptions: only people who would promise to keep a cat inside could adopt. Kaitlyn believed cats were built to roam, and she didn't have it in her to lie.

She scooped Mink up and stood, walking to the door connecting the rooms. "Later, sweetie," she said and dropped a kiss between his ears.

o0o

At noon Kaitlyn left, sealing up the building again. The next shift would be in at four.

There was a Subway near Chris' clinic, so she stopped there, buying both of them some lunch.

They ate in Chris' office and Kaitlyn asked, "How is he?"

Chris smiled at her. "He's in perfect health. His front leg has some minor strain; it'll be fine in a couple days. He's full grown, but just out of puppyhood." She opened a drawer in her desk, puling out the necklace the Burmese had been wearing.

"There's no hint to owner on this," Chris said, handing it over. "He flipped when I took it off, actually snapped at me."

Kaitlyn was shocked. "Really? I'm sorry, Chris!" She closed her fist around the charm. "He didn't seem dangerous to me."

Chris shook her head. "That was the only time he made any aggressive move at all. He's a smart dog, Kaitlyn; that much I can tell. We gave him all the standard shots. Now, what do you want to do?"

Kaitlyn thought for a few minutes, biting into her chicken parmesan sandwich. "I want to keep him, Chris." She looked up at her friend, the only reason Maggie had survived Rich's last attack. "Can Maggie handle him?"

Chris studied her. "Tell me about their interactions."

Kaitlyn did. The Burmese's easy submission seemed even odder in daylight.

"Interesting," Chris mused. "The younger, stronger dog—a male—not even trying for dominance?" She shrugged. "As long as he doesn't push her around, I see no reason she can't handle him. I'll make some calls, find out if anyone's reported a dog matching his description missing. You can take him home now or leave him here till we know for sure.

Kaitlyn stood, throwing her trash into the can next to Chris' desk. "Thank you," she said. "I'll go visit him now and try to decide."

Chris grinned up at her, dark brown eyes kind. "I'm glad you're doin' better, Kate. You'll be fine, I know it."

Kaitlyn ducked her head. "I freaked on Saturday, when I was alone with two guys. I don't know how much better I'm actually doin'."

"Kate, you'll get there," Chris answered her. "You _will_."

When Kaitlyn put her hand on the knob, she remembered. "Chris, what about his eyes?"  
"They're unusual," Chris admitted. "But perfectly healthy, far as I can tell. I've never heard of any dog with hazel eyes." She shrugged. "He won't win any dog shows, but that's it."

"Alright." Kaitlyn was relieved. "I'll go see him now."

o0o

Merrilee, the newest tech, was in the yard with him. She was an exuberant young woman; watching her run around with the dog tired Kaitlyn out.

Kaitlyn clucked like she would for a horse and the dog wheeled around, bounded to her, ignoring his injured leg in his excitement. She held out her hand, his necklace still clutched in her palm. "Want this back?" she asked.

He barked, tail wagging hard enough to throw him off balance.

"You got a name for him yet?" Merrilee asked, striding over.

Kaitlyn shook her head, sliding the necklace on him. "Any ideas?"

"Butch?" Merrilee chuckled.

The dog snorted. Kaitlyn grinned.

"How about 'Ra'?"

The dog butted against her, mouth opened in the dog-grin she fell in love with as a girl.

"I guess Ra it is," she said.

o0o

Kaitlyn took Ra home with her. "You can share Maggie's food," she told him. "I'll see how ya'll behave tomorrow, then buy you some supplies on Friday." She reached over to rub his ears; he sat shotgun, sniffing out the slightly open window. "You have to realize, Ra, that it's her home. She's been with me through a lot."

Ra woofed softly. He'd be gentle with Maggie—Kaitlyn knew it.

o0o

That night, Kaitlyn made jambalaya. Maggie and Ra lay beside each other in the middle of the floor, forcing her to step over them every other minute. Each of them begged for food, so she dropped pieces of bell pepper. Maggie turned up her nose at the vegetable, but Ra snapped it up with glee and turned sad eyes on her for more.

She ate alone at the table, like every night, Maggie lying on her feet and Ra beside her chair, waiting for her to let something fall. She dropped two pieces of chicken and Ra went for the smaller one.

Kaitlyn shook her head. "You are the weirdest dog I've ever met," she told him lovingly.

o0o

After she finished supper, she relocated to the den. There'd be a plethora of scary movies tonight, but she'd lived one, so she searched for something else. When she found nothing she wanted to watch, she put on _Surf's Up_, which she'd bought the week before based on the premise alone. Surfing penguins? Can't really go wrong there.

Maggie snuggled in beside her on the couch and Kaitlyn spread the blanket over them both. Ra lay on the floor in front of them.

Kaitlyn hadn't seen the film before, and it was as stupid as she'd figured it be, but also quite adorable. As the credit's rolled, she asked Maggie, "What'd you think?"  
Maggie flicked her ears. "Yeah," Kaitlyn said. "I liked it, too. Ra?"

He snorted and she laughed.

Ra rolled to his feet and trotted to the backdoor, looking back at her. Kaitlyn stood and walked over, letting him out. "Maggie," she called. "Almost bedtime, sweetie. You need to go?"  
Maggie slowly got to her feet and slid off the couch. She wasn't more than nine, but Rich had left his marks on them both.

Bastard.

Maggie joined Ra in the yard and Kaitlyn swiftly straightened the kitchen, putting the left-overs in the fridge. She took a Semprex and waited; before long, Maggie softly barked at the door so Kaitlyn let her in. Ra was still making his rounds, chasing off ferocious monsters, she bet.

She was exhausted. She opened the door again and said, "Come in now or spend the night out here!"

He hurried in.

Kaitlyn locked the deadbolt and turned off the TV and lights, then slipped into her bed. Maggie settled next to her, but Ra explored the house. As she finally fell asleep, Kaitlyn felt the bed dip as he hopped up at the foot.

o0o

Kaitlyn slept in the next morning, only getting up at eight when the dogs whined to go out. She fed and watered them, then fixed herself breakfast.

Rich used to tell her she couldn't cook worth shit, but he was raised by a master chef. She knew she cooked fine. She wouldn't win any awards, but did that really matter?

"Get out of my head," she told his shade. "You're dead and buried, and good riddance to you."

Maggie called to be let in; it was a cold morning, the first of November. Frost stained the grass. As Kaitlyn stood looking out the window, she felt grains beneath her bare feet. A quick examination revealed what looked like salt on the carpet by the door.

"The hell?" she muttered. But it definitely wasn't worthy of pulling out the vacuum. She _hated_ the vacuum.

She called Chris at a quarter till nine. "Still nothing," Chris told her. "No one's missing a Burmese Mountain Dog."

"Okay," Kaitlyn said. "How long till he's actually mine?"  
"I'd give it a month. If no one's claimed him by then, I'll neuter him for you."

Loud barking came clear through the line and Chris said hurriedly, "Gotta go!"

"Okay," Kaitlyn replied and hung up.

o0o

She spent the day reading. Maggie stayed with her, but Ra explored each room at length, always coming back to check on them.

Late in the afternoon, Kaitlyn tossed aside her book—_The Once and Future King_—and said, "I wanna read something else." She slipped off the couch and went to her library; she'd collected books for years. She browsed the shelves, finally settling on _Shane_. She could read it over and over and over again.

As she padded back to the den, Ra joined her. He hopped onto the loveseat beside Maggie, leaving just enough room for Kaitlyn to squeeze in. He gave her the sadface and she laughed, rubbing his ears.

"Fine, silly boy," she told him. "I'll read aloud."

So she did. He watched her and listened, and she wanted to keep him forever.

o0o

"Okay," she said Friday morning. "Time to get supplies for you."

Ra wiggled, grinning up at her, and Maggie whined. "No, pretty girl," Kaitlyn told her closest friend. "You stay here today. I need to see how he is with other people."

Chris had given Ra a collar, so Kaitlyn used Maggie's leash and put him in the car. She grabbed her _Last Unicorn_ soundtrack on the way and he whined as it began to play.

"Hush, you," she laughed. "It's my car—I'll play what I want."

Ra grumbled. Kaitlyn counted that as a victory.

o0o

Ra kept close to Kaitlyn in PetSmart. He didn't seem nervous—rather protective… or possessive, she wasn't sure. He softly rumbled whenever a man got close.

They'd been in the store for fifteen minutes, Kaitlyn browsing the shelves for fun, when Ra lifted his head, ears pricked forward. His whole body tightened. "Ra?" she asked, crouching beside him. "What is it?"

He lunged away from her, ripping the leash from her hand. He dodged people and baskets and other dogs, heading straight for the door.

"Ra!" she yelled, following. She caught up with him outside, as he howled at the sky. She looked around, but nothing struck her as off, as what might have freaked him out.

"Ra," she said softly, kneeling beside him. "Boy, what's wrong?" He nuzzled her shoulder, whimpering.

One of the employees knelt beside her. "Is everything alright, ma'am?" the young woman asked

Kaitlyn wrapped her arms around Ra. "I think we're just gonna go," she said. "I don't know…"

"Did you have anything picked out?" Her blue eyes were worried and kind.

"Um, yeah. On the aisle with large dog food—I have a basket with a bag of it." Kaitlyn looked at her. "It's no trouble, really. I can come back later."

"Just take care of your dog, okay?" the girl said. Her nametag read _Elise_. "I'll get your food."

Kaitlyn sat outside PetSmart for a few minutes, with an armful of whining, whimpering dog. She rubbed her hands up and down his sides, along his back, making soothing noises, calling him _good boy_ and _sweetie_. By the time Elise came back, Ra had stopped trembling, but he still made those tiny, broken sounds that caused her heart to clench.

"It's thirty ninety-five," Elise said, pushing the basket.

Kaitlyn stood and led the way to her car. She opened the passenger door for Ra, but after he hopped in, he slipped into the back and curled up on the bench-seat. Kaitlyn sighed.

She unlocked the trunk and Elise heaved the bag of food in. Kaitlyn gave her two twenties and said, "Keep the change." She sighed again. "I've only had him for a few days, but he hasn't done anything like this before."

Elise shrugged. "Maybe he heard something he recognized. My mom got us a dog from a friend of hers who lived in Florida. A couple months after, Mr. Rob drove down. Marco was up and at the door before he even turned onto our street."

Kaitlyn considered that. "Maybe. I'd better get him home."

Elise smiled at her. "Good luck."

"Thank you, again," Kaitlyn called as Elise pushed the basket back toward the store.

Elise said over her shoulder, "Don't mention it."

o0o

Kaitlyn played no music on the way home and constantly looked in the rearview to check on Ra. He never moved or made a sound, and she had no idea what to do. He reminded her of herself after Rich—_no. Don't think about that. It won't help_.

She dug in her purse for her phone and hit Meg's speeddial. She got a nurse who told her Meg was at a meeting. Kaitlyn thanked her and then called Meg's cell.

"Kaitlyn," Meg asked as a greeting. "What's wrong?"

"My new dog is freaking out and I don't know what to do."

"Okay." Meg's voice took on that soothing tone Kaitlyn heard a lot of, back when—_no_. "Calm down, Kaitlyn. You will not be able to help your dog if you work yourself into a frenzy."

Kaitlyn took a deep breath, let it out, took another.

"Now," Meg asked. "Where are you?"  
"South Highland," Kaitlyn said, stopping at a red light. "I'm heading home. We were just at PetSmart and he heard something, I think. Tore out of the store. And now he's just curled up in the backseat."

Meg _hmmed_. "He's new since our last meeting?"

"Yeah. I got 'im Tuesday."

"Take him home, Kaitlyn. We'll discuss him at today's session. You can take care of this dog."

Kaitlyn nodded, turning onto I-12's ramp. "Thanks, Meg. I just needed to hear that."

"You're welcome, Kaitlyn. I'll see you this afternoon."

o0o

Ra had to be coaxed out of the car. Once he was, he just stood beside it, head and tail drooping.

She knelt in front of him, meeting his eyes. "Ra," she said firmly, "stop it. It's time to go inside now."

He blinked, then shook himself. His ears pricked forward and she stood up. "Go inside," she said again.

He slipped around her and went.

o0o

At two Kaitlyn got ready to go. Ra had stuck by her after they got home, never more than a foot from her. Once she'd gathered up her purse, she knelt on the floor and scratched his ears. "You need to stay here, Ra," she told him. "Take care of Maggie."

He whined and Maggie shuffled over, nosed his side. He turned to her and licked her muzzle.

"I'll be back," she said, standing, and held open the door. Maggie went out, Ra just behind her. Kaitlyn locked the deadbolt and walked through the carport, watching Ra sniff the wind and Maggie flop on the concrete.

She smiled as she backed down the driveway. Her boy would be fine.

o0o

The nurse, Nicola, greeted her with a bright "Hello" and Kaitlyn asked her about her young daughter.

"Madison's doin' good," Nicola answered. "She's at the top of her class."

Kaitlyn wracked her memory—"First grade, right?"

Nicola nodded. "Lovin' every minute of it, too."

Kaitlyn smiled at her. "That's good."

"Dr. Lebourgeois will see you in a few minutes," Nicola said, handing Kaitlyn her paperwork. "Have a good afternoon."

Kaitlyn replied, "You too," and picked out a chair near the window. She sank down into it, pulling her book out of her purse. She read ten pages of _Undead and Unwed_ before Meg called her back.

The office had been rearranged since last week, but Meg looked the same as ever: an older, pleasantly plump woman. Kaitlyn hadn't had a problem opening up to her since their first meeting, back when she'd been drugged to the gills and reeling.

"So, besides the dog," Meg began, "is anything else new?"

Kaitlyn shook her head. "I had a panic attack at CAAWS on Saturday, but I was able to escape the situation."

"What happened?"  
"Two guys came in when I was alone with the dogs. They were big, Meg—bigger than Rich—and young. And I panicked. I was in the kennel with Mac, so they couldn't have gotten to me." She ducked her head. "But I still couldn't breathe." The familiar shame washed over her.

"Kaitlyn." Meg's voice was patient. "You are not stupid, and you have no reason to feel embarrassed. You suffered horribly and you still haven't fully healed."

"Am I…" The question made her blush, but she'd been wondering for weeks, and Jackie's description of phone-boy(Sam?) had exacerbated the matter. "Will I ever be attracted to men again?"

Meg considered that for a moment, her frank gaze causing Kaitlyn to fidget. "Honestly?" Meg finally said. "I don't know."

Kaitlyn accepted that with a small sigh. "I haven't… I haven't thought about sex since that night, you know? I can barely be around men in a crowd. Alone…" She shuddered.

"It'll take time, Kaitlyn. You need to be patient with yourself, give yourself a while to heal. And _trust_ yourself, sweetie. You'll know when it's time."

Kaitlyn took a deep breath, nodding. "Wanna hear about Ra?" she deflected.

Meg smiled. "Of course."

o0o

After an hour and a half—spent discussing Ra, horses, _The Lord of the Rings_, and Mama—Kaitlyn went home. As always, she felt relieved and too full for her skin at the same time. She'd tried describing the feeling to Meg once and gotten tongue-tied, turned around in the words.

There was an accident on I-10, so it took longer to get home than she'd expected, but when she pulled into the driveway, both of her babies were there waiting at the gate, tails wagging.

Warmth spread through her, chasing away Mama's specter. She always loved coming home.

o0o

Kaitlyn finished off the leftover jambalaya for supper and crawled into bed just after sundown. Ra curled up in her arms and Maggie stretched out along her back.

That night, she dreamed of the last time she saw Rich alive and woke sobbing, trembling, begging for him to _stop, please just stop._

Kaitlyn buried her face in Ra's fur, Maggie pressing into her side, and muttered, "He's gone, he's gone, he's _gone_."

Her bedside clock said two-thirty-seven. Kaitlyn knew she wouldn't be getting any more sleep, so she began to talk. She told the dogs about her childhood, Mama's helpless hands and Daddy's roaming ones. She told Ra and Maggie about Kevin, her baby brother who died before his second birthday and how she never ever forgave Daddy.

She talked until dawn and it was cathartic. As sunlight filled her bedroom, she fell into a shallow sleep. The dogs were warm beside her and she was safe, cocooned in her blankets, away from Rich's reach and Daddy's touch and Mama's shameful gaze.

o0o

On Saturday, she drove out of town, to Daddy's father's land. Grandpa Kent had a lake on his property and Uncle Jake hadn't sold it yet. Maggie sat shotgun and Ra shuffled in the back, going from window to window. Kaitlyn turned her Evanesce CD up loud and sang along. She hadn't felt this free in years, and hadn't gone to the lake in longer.

It was a chilly day: but standing in the sun, it wasn't so bad. Ra sniffed the air, moving around the perimeter, but Maggie sank onto her belly beside Kaitlyn.

"I think," she began, fingers dancing along Maggie's spine, "I think maybe I'll be fine." She turned her face to the sky, smiling.

Ra bounded over, woofing, and licked her face, crawling into her lap. She laughed, falling backwards, Ra rolling onto his side next to her.

It was a good day, the best of her life. She only thought of Rich once, fleeting, and then Ra had her laughing again, curled up with Maggie on the warm earth.

Kaitlyn'd not prayed since the first time God failed to save her from Daddy, but she thanked him for Ra and Maggie that night, huddled beneath the thick comforter in her bed.

o0o

She woke instantly when Ra growled. It was a foreign sound, angry dog, one she hadn't heard since the last night of Rich's life, when he'd kicked Maggie against the wall—

"Ra?" she whispered, and the growl became a snarl. Her clock said midnight and Ra stood in the doorway, facing out into the hall. Maggie was behind him, between him and the bed, and her snarl was quieter but no less real. "Maggie?"

And then Kaitlyn heard it: someone moving in the den.

Someone in her house.

She dove off the bed, scrambling for the phone and Maggie backed up, moving closer to her.

The phone was dead. She'd left her cell in the kitchen.

And it had been _such_ a good day.

"Kaitlyn Kent, you bitch!"

She froze, heart stopping.

"I know you're in this house! I can _feel_ you, baby doll."  
_No_.

"I crawled out of the grave just to be with you, and you won't even come look at me?"

_He's dead._

Ra's snarl grew louder and Kaitlyn fell, legs collapsing. Maggie rushed to her, planting herself between Kaitlyn and the door.

_He's __**dead**_

"C'mon, babe," Rich continued. "Gimme a kiss. You know I love you."

She sobbed, whole body trembling, and pulled up her knees. The room was dark, Ra just a shape at the door, but it got darker when Rich appeared, turning into the hallway.

"There you are, darlin'," he said with satisfaction, and Ra lunged for him, hitting him in the chest, jaw snapping a hair's-breadth from his jugular. "Got a new mutt, huh?" Rich laughed. "Guess you didn't learn your lesson last time."

Kaitlyn was frozen, watching Ra hold Rich off. He was dead. She'd _killed_ him. She'd bashed his head in with a pot and waited with his corpse until the paramedics came. She'd visited his grave, just to be sure, though she passed on the funeral, too doped up to care.

He was dead. But here he was in her house, laughing. Alive.

The bastard. _Alive._

_No._

She'd been terrified of him once, and she still bore the scars. He'd nearly killed her and Maggie, but she got him first.

How _dare_ he be here?

"You bastard," she hissed, rising to her feet. "Get the fuck out of my house."

One of the doors banged open, but she didn't pause, stepping forward, fear turning to fury. "You bastard, you asshole, _get out of my house_!"

He laughed again, kicking Ra away, unheeding of the blood gushing from him. Ra still snarled and Maggie joined him, barking, trying to keep Rich from Kaitlyn.

"That any way to greet your husband, baby?" he asked.

He'd owned her once. Taken his pleasure at will, not caring if she enjoyed it. Kept her bruised and broken. And she'd been his, body and soul, unable to leave.

But no more.

She killed the bastard.

Kaitlyn screamed, letting her fury and pain out through her voice, and rushed forward. Ra and Maggie howled, and Rich fell backward into the hall, all of Kaitlyn's weight hitting him in the middle, throwing him off balance. She rained blows down with all her strength and the bastard just laughed, rolling over on top of her.

"Wanted to be here again," he told her, and then someone grabbed him, pulled him away. She was sobbing and shrieking, words coming out of her that Mama would'a washed her mouth with soap for.

In the dark all she could see were shapes, but she heard grunts and curses as she let her own noise taper off. Someone—a really big, deep-voiced someone—was fighting Rich. She held Maggie back, but Ra slipped close.

Rich hit the ground and Ra darted in; Kaitlyn turned on the den light just in time to see Ra tear out Rich's throat.

Her husband, her tormenter, died a second time with a gurgle. It was far messier than when she'd killed him, but no less satisfying.

Kaitlyn's savior sank wearily onto the couch. She raised her eyes from Rich to him—that guy from CAAWS, from Adoption Day.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" he asked—_phone-boy_, she realized. How coincidental.

"Fine," she said softly. "You?"

He nodded with a small smile. "Just glad I got here in time."

Ra limped over to Kaitlyn and sniffed her from head to toe, licking her face. Maggie crawled into her lap. "I'm fine," she told them.

She gathered her thoughts, studying phone-boy—Sam.

Ra finished his examination and shuffled to the couch. He looked up at Sam as the man reached down to rub his ears. Sam stiffened, looking at Ra, fingers closing around the thong on Ra's neck.

Kaitlyn stood and stepped over to Rich's body. "Will he stay dead now?"  
Sam didn't respond, so Kaitlyn looked over. Sam's whole bearing was riveted on Ra, eyes wide, hand cupping the golden charm. "Dean?" he whispered?

Ra nodded.

o0o

Kaitlyn and Sam wrapped Rich in one of her sheets; Sam carried him to his car, that same one she'd seen on Wednesday. He shoved Rich in the backseat and closed the door, then walked back to her house.

"I'll deal with him, Kaitlyn," he assured her. "You can come to be sure, if you want."

Maggie stood beside her, lending strength. Ra was between them, ears flicking from one to the other. "Thank you," she told Sam. "But I'll stay here. I've got cleaning to do, gettin' that bastard outta my house."

She dropped to her knees, hand reaching for Ra—Dean. Her dog—Sam's—bounded to her. "You gotta go with him, huh?" she asked.

He licked her face and she knew he'd miss her. "Go on, sillyheaded boy," she said. "Go home."

He went.

o0o

Sunday, Kaitlyn stayed in bed with Maggie, buried beneath the covers. She cried on and off, slept part of the time, wondered where Sam and Ra—_Dean_—were. If he'd reclaimed his true form yet.

She called Chris at noon and asked her if she thought people could ever come back from the dead.

Chris said she'd be right over.

o0o

Chris let herself in and crawled beside her pulling Kaitlyn into her arms. "It's alright," she murmured. "I'm here now."

Kaitlyn clung to her, the one human she cared about, and sobbed gasping tears. "Ra's gone," she whispered into Chris' neck. "Gone home."

Chris rubbed her back but said nothing because words were a useless thing.

o0o

On Monday, Kaitlyn called Monica and asked if she could adopt Mac.

On Tuesday, Monica got back to her and said yes.

On Wednesday, after her shift at CAAWS, Kaitlyn drove home with Mac sitting shotgun.

Thursday, Kaitlyn took her girls on a walk. Maggie stayed beside her, but Mac roamed, always coming back.

Kaitlyn had woken every night since Saturday with nightmares, with pleas and curses on her tongue. She wanted to know Ra—Dean, _damnit_—was okay.

Mac growled and Kaitlyn whirled around. A man stood out of reach, sunlight glinting off the golden charm around his neck. He had Ra's hazel eyes.

Her mouth was dry. "You're Ra," she said.

He nodded and ducked his head. "I wanted to thank you," he told her, shyly meeting her gaze. "You took care of me. I—I was lost in a dark place, but I was able to follow you out of it."

She didn't fear him. Recognized him from CAAWS, and felt no panic settling in. It was new, exhilarating.

Kaitlyn shrugged. "Anyone would've done it."

His smile was beautiful. "Thank you anyway." He didn't step forward and so Kaitlyn did.

"Thank _you_," she told him. "You took care of me, too. Saved my life."

He looked over his shoulder and she followed his gaze; the big black car was down the block, Sam leaning against it. "Before you go," she said.

He focused back on her; she felt only peace. It was so odd, but… she enjoyed it.

"Is Rich _really_ dead this time?"

"Yes," he answered. "We—well, Sammy—put a silver stake in his heart, cut off his head, salted and burned him. He won't come back again."

She closed her eyes, relief taking a heavy weight off her shoulders.

"I have to go," he said. "I just wanted to see you one last time."

She smiled at him and Maggie shuffled her way to him. He knelt down, scratching her ears, rubbing her chest. "Take care of her, huh?" he whispered. "Your Kaitlyn is a special girl."

He stood and gave her one final, glorious smile. Then he walked away, to his car and Sam.

She watched him go and felt alive.

o0o

On Friday, after her session with Meg where she talked about Rich for almost two hours and never mentioned his resurrection, Kaitlyn invited Chris to dinner. They went to Olive Garden. Kaitlyn laughed and smiled, and didn't shy away from the waiter.

"What's changed?" Chris asked.

Kaitlyn shrugged. "Meg says I'm finally healing, moving on." She met Chris' eyes. "I say I'm free."

Maggie and Mac waited at home, and she had her whole life ahead of her. She wouldn't let a ghost keep her from living. Not anymore.


	3. little boy found

**Title**: little boy found

**Disclaimer**: the boys aren't mine; just for fun.

**Warnings**: none

**Pairings**: none

**Rating**: PG

**Wordcount**: 250

**Point** **of** **view**: third

* * *

Sam waits a week to ask, letting Dean readjust. He watches carefully; Dean seems normal as he's ever been. He doesn't want to go out much and doesn't want Sam too far away, so Sam's finally comfortable asking.

"What was it like?"

He waits till after Dean's eaten, when Dean's stretched out on his bed and nearly asleep. He expects Dean to brush him off, to make some lame joke.

"Dark," he answers after a moment, voice soft and low. "Lonely. I was lost, trapped. But Kaitlyn… she's somethin', dude. She took care of me and I followed her out." Dean raises his head, looks over. "I remembered who I was, what I was. But it would'a been so easy, Sam. So easy to just stay."

That possibility frightens Sam. It was pure damned chance that led Sam to Dean. "Do you know how… why you changed?" Sam asks.

Dean flops back down. "Not a clue." A pause, then "I'm beat, man. Wanna sleep."

No more questions tonight. Sam just needs to research some more. He'll find out what happened and he'll make sure it never happens again.

For now, though, he still has more leads to follow about Dean's deal.

He watches Dean for a moment, shakes off the remembered terror of knowing Dean was somewhere, needing him, being unable to get there. Dean's safe. Unharmed. Back where Sam can look out for him.

For now.

And Sam swears, with everything in him, no matter the cost, that it'll stay that way.


End file.
